i just want a boy who touches me distractedly
like sitting watching a movie and he just kinds of drags his fingers over your skin while watching and he doesn’t have a motive he’s not trying to tickle you or be sexual with you he’s just touching your skin and feeling the shape of your bones under that skin like it’s physically comforting for him to know that you’re there right under his fingertips
oh fuck i didnt know girls liked when i did this
This literally describes what I haven’t been able too for so long.
So in all honesty, I’m sick of a lot going on in my life. When you’ve told someone constantly that you no longer want them around because of how you feel after they talk to you or yell at you and they continue to do so you kind of begin to just float through everyday and there’s like a small glimmer of hope that one day they’ll actually listen. Never in my life have I ever felt like such a horrible, disgusting, used up and washed out person. I’ve never felt like a whore or a slut because I’ve never been one to sleep around but because of how often those types of things we’re talked about I actually believed I was wrong for losing my virginity when I did. I’ve never felt so torn between looking in the mirror and wondering if it was okay to feel like I look good or just assuming that I don’t. I’ve never once felt like I was the bad guy when guys would stare at me in public until now. I’m actually scared to talk to other people and become friends with them for fear that they’d see what’s following me and what I can’t get rid of and stop talking to me. I’ve actually felt more alone having this person around then I have just sitting in my house by myself. I just want to be happy and nothing more. It’s so upsetting that after a year I’m finally able to stand on my feet again and see things for what they are because I know I am much stronger than someone else’s words and actions. I hope that this dread that I feel everywhere I go ends soon. It’s absolutely terrible. It’s unfair and it hurts me everyday, but I’m still getting better. I want to thank those of you who talked to me through my worst times because I don’t know where I’d be without you and I want to thank those of you who without realizing it helped me get to a place where the ground actually feels solid again.