This is literally one of the nicest things I’ve ever had someone write to me. Thank you soso much. It means a lot and I’ve definitely been happier than I have been in awhile as well! Bless your kind soul.
I miss the snow
I miss the feeling of knowing that one day I’d be older and I’d get to be snowed in with the person I liked most.
I miss knowing that we’d run outside at one point and hate the fact that our fingertips were so cold but building a snow fort together would be worth it.
I miss the things I never got to have because I moved here.
I miss knowing that these were the kids I grew up with and we’d all know each other too well and our parents would too.
I miss snow days at the hill next to the school.
I miss being jealous of the people with cool snowboards that I could never afford.
I miss having four beautiful seasons that faded into one another so quietly you could barely tell the time had passed.
I miss the sound of cars rushing by all night.
I miss the roof I never got to climb onto and talk about everything and nothing at all with my best friend.
I miss so much I almost don’t get to love at all.
I hate my mother for pulling me away from the place that her parents and their parents before that got to grow up.
Why did things have to be different for me?
Why did I have to make friends with people who would never truly know me well enough to stick around?
I don’t know if I’d be happier living the life I would’ve like to have lived but if I got to go back and change things, oh my, I would never regret a moment of it.
I have a nostalgia for things that never were and never can be and that is the most terrible feeling.
Can’t sleep once again. I always get lost in thought. I hate it. I wish I could lay down and be completely tired but I’m always wide awake. I tried to think of things that wouldn’t bother me enough to get up but once again I did. It’s always this mix of things I need to write down so I don’t forget about them and useless information that my mind doesn’t need to process. I hate that my mind is so loud but my words are always so quiet. The only time my words are loud is when I’m yelling and I don’t think it should be that way. I need a friend again. I miss my friends so much. I miss the people I’d see every weekend and I miss just chilling out and smoking but I don’t even know how to do that anymore. If there’s a god, I hope he makes it easier for me soon because it’s all starting to build up and now I can’t tell the difference between what I do and I don’t want. I’m lonely as fuck but I want space and it doesn’t make sense. Honestly, I feel like I have no one even though I’m around someone almost everyday and that’s an absolutely horrible feeling.